Life's a box of chocolates
by chickenugget
Summary: when Bellatrix black's father bets her hand and marriage on a game of exploding snap- and loses-she is forced to marry the dashing professor Lestrange, but considering it's Bellatrix we're talking about- there's no way in hell this can go well! r r please


OH, HAI INTERWEBS! CHARACTERS ARNT MINE BUT I CAN MAKE THEM DO WHAT I want! PLEASE REVIEW AND READ PEEPS:D!

_**LIFES A BOX OF CHOCOLATES CHAPTER ONE**_

The room was a complete and utter mess: cards were thrown onto every surface, Abraxas Malfoy was sleeping naked under a table, shards of glass were lodged into antique pieces of furniture, you could smell the stale fire whiskey from a mile away, and Cygnus black was currently crying himself to sleep in a corner as Claude Lestrange was singing praises to the gods, and dancing- without pants on.

_ …twelve hours earlier…_

The three sisters Black off to France to see their mother and her newest husband, were bidding their father fare well. Bellatrix the oldest, going into her seventh year at Hogwarts, and Andromeda, a year her junior, were essentially unconcerned for the wellbeing of their father. Unfortunately for Cygnus, the same could not be said for his youngest daughter Narcissa- thus explaining why he had been listening to the twelve year old rant and rave about "household responsibilities" and "respectable duties and images" to uphold, but apparently (as evident from the looks on her two elder sisters faces) there was a god, and her speech was coming to a close. Cygnus just smiled and pretended to listen drifting in and out until he realized he would be expected to respond to his daughter.

"And daddy, Winky has all of your meals prepared for you in the freezer already cooked ,now don't forget to have Winky change your sheets on Wednesday, we'll be back Friday, and do remember also, you promised to go to the opera with Mr. Malfoy and Mr. lestrange on Thursday, oh! and do tell Mr. malfoy I send my regards to his son" Cygnus just stood there staring at the wall for a moment and then realized it was his turn to speak

"Yes, yes- I know, well, have fun, and be good!" he responded anxious for this all to be over with.

"whatever you say Father" Bellatrix said, a trade mark smirk flashing over her excited face, and with that she pulled her loose hair up off her shoulders and offered a hand to each of her sisters, as they proceeded to apparate away. If Cygnus had waited a few seconds longer before walking away he would have heard the mad cackling of his eldest daughter and her declarations of "being free of the old bat".

…_Present time…_

Cygnus black never was a sentimental man, but when one finds themselves awaken at two in the afternoon, dressed in a toga, it is difficult not to be reminded of the "innocent" little gatherings for upperclassmen that took place in the Slytherin common room late at night back in the good old days. A grin began to spread like fire over his face when he saw his two old best mates were asleep next to him. Doing the only logical thing to do when you find two forty-something year old men fast asleep beside you, he began to tickle them profusely.

'Merlins beard cygnus! What the hell do you think your doing?" Lestrange was the first to speak grumpily adjusting his toga so it was properly covering his man-bits.

"and wipe that grin off your face -don't you know what you've done man?" Drawled Malfoy (Malfoy's don't speak- they only drawl)

A huge smile spread on lestrange's face, in all honesty Cygnus found it a bit creepy, "he's just done the greatest thing that he's ever done in his sorry excuse for a life! Don't you remember Cygnus? Were going to be grandparents together!"

Cygnus, still unable to account for the events of last night was simply becoming more and more terrified as Lestrange continued "remember, exploding snap? You lost? I won? We bet your daughters hand in marriage? My son gets to marry your eldest daughter? You know the scary looking one?"

Cygnus was in shock, he meagerly began to squeak out "Bellatrix?"

'YES! Exactly were going to be brothers!" Lestrange continued madly as Cygnus continued to mumble to himself. "but she was supposed to marry Malfoy's son Lucius"

"THEY WERENT ENGAGED YET THOUGH! ISNT THIS GREAT!" Lestrange truly was on cloud nine.

"Its alright Cygnus, Lucius can marry one of your younger daughters, I dare say he was a bit afraid of Bellatrix" added in Malfoy.

"Bellatrix " Cygnus said softly " how am I going to tell Bellatrix?" with that Cygnus called the house elf "winky"

With a pop winky came into the room 'Yes master?" she asked

"Kill me" responded Cygnus

"winky cannot kill but can send master to start new life in nature cult" she answered timidly.

"close enough" and with that Cygnus black was gone never to be seen again ,he was not mourned.

Malfoy left to tell Lucius that he no longer had to marry what he and his son referred to as "Bellabitch" And Claude Lestrange went to organize a fancy dinner where he planned to break the news to the blacks and his son. He was in truth quite pleased with himself considering Roddy always did have a soft spot for the girl.

_.…At a top notch restaurant in wizarding London... _

"So let me get this straight" replied Bellatrix, every word making her eyebrows crease together a little more and her forehead scrunch up in aggravation. "Our father decided it would be a wonderfull idea to just drop everything and join a nature cult?"

"bella, I don't see what the big deal is I mean its not like we'll never see him again" Piped In Narcissa as she smoothed down her dress robes and took another bite of food.

"yes, yes I know' added in Andie " but it is terribly embarrassing, and Mr. Lestrange I understand why you took us here, but did you really have to bring Professor?" she asked waving an arm to Lestrange's twenty one year old son Rodolphus, who would be returning to Hogwarts to teach his second year of defense against the dark arts.

Rodolphus nudged Bellatrix and whispered "I asked the same thing, I truly am sorry, I promise you, I won't say a word to anyone" he added on sincerely.

"well then professor, I suppose you wouldn't mind if we all returned home and I could just obliviate you and your father, and then well ,you know pretend this never happened and that father is just on some sort of extended visit with relatives" Bellatrix responded sweetly, though her face brought out her true annoyance with the whole situation.

Rodolphus flinched at her response, he never quite understood Bellatrix. Almost all of the girls in her year were lusting after him, and she, the only girl whom he wouldn't mind lusting after him, the girl whom he'd had a crush on since his seventh year (her fifth), never,ever, seemed the least bit interested no matter how kind he was to her.

"well my dear" replied the elder Lestrange " under normal circumstances I would agree with you one hundred and ten percent, I'd even obliviate myself! But you see there is some more news that I haven't quite told you yet" he continued with a guilty smile.

Bellatrix was gob smacked; she twisted a curl around her finger, an old nervous habit. She never had liked the Lestrange family, but then again they weren't as bad as the Malfoys, but as the old coot (Bellatrix never had much of a tolerance for her elders) continued speaking with that silly little grin, she continued trying to think up ways to curse him while making it seem accidental. "it gets worse?" she asked with a Blank expression.

"Not worse, dear girl! Better! You and Roddy are getting married!" he added on with the biggest smile Bellatrix had ever seen, in all honesty she found it a bit creepy. "more champagne, waiter" yelled Claude Lestrange. "more champagne"

Bellatrix was beginning to feel faint, very, very angry but luckily for all of the other patrons in the restaurant- too faint to do anything about it.

As she gripped onto the table she could just barely hear Rodolphus speak

"Father, I think your unwell, perhaps we should go check in with one of the healers at saint Mungos, hmm?"

Clutching a hand to her head Bellatrix added on, speaking directly to the professor as if his father was not right next to her and able to hear what she said "yes, I agree completely! I think we need to get him admitted into the spell damage unit" she added on, shielding her eyes from the light of the room "you know, I don't feel so well myself I think I may come with you" she finished as she began to clutch the professors arm. The three wizards apparated, leaving Narcissa and Andromeda alone at the dinner table with enough galleons to order the entire desert menu.

_…at saint Mungos… _

Bellatrix and Rodolphus were waiting for the healer to come in and diagnose cluade Lestrange and send him to be locked up in the crazy house. No one was speaking, but there were some pretty impressive death glares being shown off. As healer Steinberg came into the room, he saw the elder Lestrange laying down on the hospital bed and Bellatrix and Rodolphus in two chairs beside it. He looked down at his clipboard and introduced himself "hello Claude, I'm healer Steinberg" and your Mr. and Mrs. Lestrange, I suppose?" he asked.

"NO!" Bellatrix and Rodolphus both shouted in unison. The healer coughed awkwardly.

"You see healer, that's actually the reason we're here" rodolphus said. Bellatrix nodded her head encouragingly.

"They refuse to believe that they are getting married" Claude explained.

Bellatrix looked as if she would kill a puppy "well were not getting married, isn't that right professor? She practically growled.

"Exactly" Rodolphus said. "Not even dating" he added on.

"Well then my boy I am sad to say that you're going to be dying in the next...well let's see, what time is it?" Claude took out his wristwatch "ten minutes" "you see" Claude continued as he pulled out a contract "this here contract says that you two have to get married with in twenty four hours of the time it was first signed, which was at five last night and now it is four fifty, go on a honeymoon for one week in Rome, and live together until death do you part-or if in two years you would like a divorce, no loop wholes though" he continued pointing at the contract "as soon as these two lines are signed by each of you your married, my lovelies!"

Bellatrix was surprisingly calm as she spoke where did you get this contract? She asked staring Claude down.

"your father of course, we bet your hand in marriage on a game of exploding snap and I've won!" replied the elder Lestrange "oh, Roddy isn't it wonderful now you'll have a pretty little wife, and I will get to stop listening to your mothers nagging about when you will give her grandbabies! Oh, I've done so good for you my son, so good!"

Bellatrix finally realizing the severity of her situation spoke up "well professor, I for one have no desire to die, Ill agree to sign the contract and will forget about the whole 'my virtue is less important to my father than a game of exploding snap bit' if you do, and you know what-It could always be worse you could be Malfoy" she finished her speech By adding "and you are rather attractive…"

A grin spread like wildfire over Rodolphus' face "I NEED A PEN BITCH!" he shouted. The healer numbly provided a pen for him, he just wanted these crazy people out of his office. He watched the woman reluctantly sighn the contract and the man rush through it.

"oh Bellatrix I promise to keep you safe and happy and to love you forever and ever! Ive fancied you for years!" Roddy exclaimed wrapping his arms around her! We will have a beautiful life!"

"professor", Bellatrix said "the only way i'll be able to put up with you is if your less happy and for gods sake do try to act a little meaner!"

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry, of course dear of course, and call me Roddy!"

And with that the couple found themselves with two fully packed suitcases in front of a hotel in Rome

TBC

REVIEEEEEEW! please:D


End file.
